Just a note on procedure here,before I get into the actual telling of my story.You may find me digressing from time to time,to explain what it is I'm doing,as I've done in the past few entries.The original idea of publishing my memoir online was to give my readers a look at the process,as well as the substance of writing,a sort of backstage pass if you will.Like you might find if you were to chance across the mountains of notes on my desk,were you to visit the place where I write.
This is now the third attempt to get this memoir going in the form of a blog,and I'm still comfortable with the idea of giving readers access to what it is I think about writing,to what goes on in putting things together so that you might read them.So the occasional digression will be necessary and you should look on it as a unique opportunity to look into my mind.With most writers you don't get that without going to a lot of secondary sources.
One of the unfinished bits of business I wanted to address has to do with ethics.This is a matter that comes up from time to time among my writing colleagues as well as from others who are new to writing,or who have not yet began their memoirs.It doesn't seem to be a preoccupation with most writers I know,but I'm glad that the people I write with are open to discussing such matters on a somewhat regular basis.
A big ethical issue for memoir writers has to do with telling the truth,a matter that is very much more complex than what you might think.To that end let me say,of course you should tell the truth.Memoir is not a work of fiction.But there are a number of qualifying statements that need to be taken into consideration.First and foremost,just because you should tell the truth does not mean that all truth needs to be told.I was once asked by a new memoir writer if it was alright to use memoir to trash the people in their life.My answer was that first,it's your story,and there is nothing stopping you from doing that if that's your desire.You should understand,though,that you may be subject to the normally prevailing laws regarding defamation if you point fingers.Moreover, if that's the only reason you are writing a memoir,I don't think it's a very good reason to be doing so,and I would urge you to reconsider until you can come to grips with a better motive. I've certainly read memoirs that were scandal based,and I've never found them to be enjoyable,or as informative as they might otherwise have been.
I try to keep two things in mind when telling the truth.It's a bit of a balancing act,and I'm not sure I have always or will always get it right.First,I want to tell a true story.True in the sense of it's being candid and enlightening It should not leave vital issues untouched because that would be skewing the story in such a way as to alter it's whole meaning.Any truly good writing must edify.
On the other hand,edifying should not come at the expense of needless injury to others.So,along with asking if truth is necessary,I try to ask if it's kind or decent.Will it cause needless anguish to others? If it does,I'd rather not tell it.The key word here is needless.Nearly every truth can be painful to someone.But that does not mean that someone appearing in my memoir is automatically immune to my telling the truth about them and their deeds or actions.In general,I do not believe that a person who commits evil has any claim to anonymity,or the right to be insulated from their actions just because they find the telling of the story unflattering.But there are other things to be considered as well.First among these things is the possibility of co -lateral damage being done to others,and I want you to know,I think about such things often and diligently.I would prefer not to have to reveal others in an unflattering light,but I've yet to find a way of putting forth an honest telling of my story without encountering and sometimes dealing with conflict in a head on manner.So I am always asking myself,Does the value of telling this story outweigh any possible damage done to others,either living of passed? If it doesn't edify to a sufficient degree,but holds the ability to injure,I intend to leave it out,but there is a balancing act involved.
Not everyone I've met on life's road in admirable. I've met a few who could only be described as evil.In some sense it will be necessary to deal with these issues,though I'm not especially looking forward to it.As I write right now,I am aware of stories that are central to my life's story,that I am not yet certain of how or even if they will come to be told. I've not yet sufficiently weighed them in my mind.I can think of people,right off the top of my head who may be uncomfortable with some of the things I may say.And those are,for the most part people whom I consider friends,or at least not enemies,and with whom I wish to remain on good terms.But there is apt to be some risk involved in telling my story and I do not know how it could be otherwise.
I should say further,that this is my story.Let's be direct here.Most of you don't know me.My writing is undertaken in part because of certain others who have presumed to know me intimately but who do not.To those few people let me say,you have no idea who I am,and,in fact you've told stories you claim are about me,when in fact you are talking about someone else.The only thing you will ever know about me is that which I tell you.So there is a very definite effort here to set some records straight.
Because this is my story,I should say that it is based on my impressions.I wrote not long ago about the limitations of my mind.To be clear,the story as I recall it today is not necessarily the way I remembered it in the past,or that I might remember it by the time I get it written down.I fully admit that not all of my impressions are going to be right,but there is no intent to lie or mislead.Some people who know me may recall certain events differently.If they feel strongly enough about it,they should tell their own stories.
Many of the people who inhabit the pages of memoir,or at least my memoir are not people who I know a lot about.This applies even to some very central figures who were very close to me. I've already explained,for instance that neither of my parents were big story tellers.For that matter,neither were their parents.For that reason I've had to base a lot of the conclusions I've drawn about those people on observations and impressions that may not be completely right.In fact,it's been a tension central to this undertaking which I've not fully resolved,nor likely ever will to the extent that I would like.Most children,I believe want to think that their parents are or were good people.Most realize that their parents were not perfect even so.And I suppose that some want to know that their parents were evil,if that is the truth.I am not in that later category.Figuring all this out in a way that makes sense to me has proven to be elusive in some sense,and I continue to formulate and revise my impressions on a nearly daily basis.Still,I will apply the rules I've set out for myself regarding the telling of truth,in telling their stories.But,it's as I say,you should be aware that much has been left to impression,and that is at best less than perfect truth.
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